When we refer to the new year or to new year’s resolutions we generally think of starting something new, achieving something, doing something we haven’t done before; a new routine, habit, hobby, trying a new way of eating, a new way of keeping active… The pressure and contraction of setting a new year’s resolution can feel taxing - The effort and emphasis to achieve a goal, the satisfaction in crossing something off your list even though it was agonising to complete, the deflation of not being where you thought you’d be, the arduous feeling of pushing through because that’s what you committed to, the disappointment in giving up, feeling bound by time and deadline as the end of the year approaches, the ‘oh well, there’s always next year’ conundrum… What if we removed the date….. and simply just started. Minus the new year’s resolution and simply set a personal goal.
It is possible for us to have a deeper connection to our goals when
we connect to WHY we aspire to make such changes.
Let’s take a lifestyle choice example. We all know that sugar hypes us up, we reach for the sweets when we are feeling sluggish, tired or need a pick-me-up – shout out to all our 3pm chocolate eaters and softdrink drinkers!! We know it’s our go-to, we know it’ll get us through the day, we know it makes us racy and jittery. We also know in truth it’s not a loving choice, hence many consider giving up sugar as a goal. Instead of making your goal…. ‘I’m going to give up >>insert your sweet desire here<<’… review the reasons WHY you reach for the sugar at 3pm in the first place. And (for the sake of this example) you reach for the sugar at 3pm because you feel tired or sluggish and therefore a more supportive goal may be to start going to bed earlier than usual.
Connecting to the reasons WHY you wish to give up something
allows you to hold your goals with greater capacity.
There are so many variations as to why we chose our goals and they differ from person to person. Sit with the goals you may have already set for yourself and truly ponder on WHY achieving those goals are important to you. Really go there with yourself. Be open. Be honest. Really feel it in your body and then bring an everyday focus on that WHY rather than the goal itself. “I’m going to go to bed 30 mins earlier tonight because I can’t stand not being able to be completely present with my clients of an afternoon – and I can’t stand not providing a quality service.”
I have often experienced this approach to be much more supportive and loving with myself and less self-critical, less self-judgmental and in turn experience less self-bashing. When I am being honest and humble with myself, I move with much more ease and the changes become more of a joy rather than something I am forcing myself to do because of a promise I made with a deadline.
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